INDIA...MY SECOND HOME

October 22, 1999

Have you ever visited a place that just simply felt like home? Whether you attended a party at someone's house or traveled to some far away destination, the environment reminded you of home or a place that you would like to call home. Sometimes you may have said to yourself, "Wow, I could really see myself living here!" Those memories are some of the happiest moments of your life. Some people want more than just a memory, they want to relive the experience again and again. I have heard countless stories of people who have been so moved emotionally by visiting a certain place, that they packed their bags and relocated immediately. Mom, if you are reading this, I am not moving to India, though the thought has crossed my mind. This is just a story about a place that is very dear to my heart...India....my second home.

It was almost three years ago that I landed in India for the first time in my life. I had traveled extensively throughout the United States for work, but never had the opportunity to venture outside my home country in the first 27 years of my life. Well, I certainly have made up for that! Never before had I had a desire to journey to another country. Never before had I wanted to experience another culture, taste different foods, see different sites, meet different people, or even read a book about another part of the world. Summers spent at the Jersey shore were just fine with me. For my fellow Jerseyans, no need to worry, I still love the Garden State and its beautiful beaches. But to be quite honest, I created such a comfortable life for myself and was never really much appreciative of change. Of course we all have to deal with change because it is the one constant in life, but I never actively sought to prepare for it. I had always thought to myself, "This is good as it gets." Well folks, I was fortunate enough to awaken to a whole new world and as Robert Frost once said, "It has made all the difference!"

Before I begin to explain to you why I have grown to love India so much, I first must tell you about the obstacles I had to overcome to arrive at this state of bliss. If I had a nickel for everyone who advised me not to go to India, I would be a millionaire! Many of the people who projected so much fear onto me never had even been to India before. Their advisories were based on stories that they had heard, reports on television, magazines that they had read, and other various claims. I call them "claims" because I wonder if many of them actually knew anything at all about India. Listen to some of the fear-based reactions I had received while preparing for my first journey to India. "Don't go, it's so polluted there," one said. Another exclaimed, "Why in God's name would you want to go to India?" How about this one, "People are so poor there, you won't fit in." Who am I? Bill Gates. I don't think so. Most of the other responses I received were based in fear. Watch out for the beggars, don't drink the water, don't bathe, don't eat anything, don't touch anyone, take your malaria pills, and various of other statements were offered to me via the telephone, email, by letter, and of course, in person. Could India really be this terrible? From what I knew about India, I realized that it was a country with many challenges, many people to take care of, and not a very strong economy. But I never would have dreamt that it was as depressing as most people made it out to be. I am so thankful that the final advice that I take is that of my own. I needed to have my own experience of India before I could pass judgement on it. To go to India with an open mind and a heart full of love was one of the best decisions that I have ever made!

My passion for India did not begin immediately. It evolved over a short period of time. The passion needed to be cultivated by means of education. Never having traveled outside my homeland, I needed to understand the people of India before I could fully internalize this inevitable passion. That education process began immediately when I saw my wheelchair about to drop from a conveyor belt in Bombay's airport. Yes, I said drop. At that time, luggage dropped at least four feet before landing on the turnstile. Samonsonite luggage might be strong enough to endure this type of fall, but not my fragile wheelchair, which I kind of need to get around come to think of it! Anyway, there was a happy ending. Four men caught my wheelchair, put it down gently, and brought it to me as good as new. Why am I telling you this? Because, it was of the first times I consciously let go, I let go of trying to control a situation. Everyone had informed me that my wheelchair would be safe, but I managed to prejudge these people by thinking that they were uneducated and insensitive to the needs of the disabled. Another lesson learned transpired that same night in the airport. Upon exiting the airport, I began to feel strange, unfamiliar hands on me and my wheelchair. For a split second I was angered, but then I picked up my head and looked into the eyes of those people who were touching me. I can recall those smiles being so radiant, so warm, so friendly. They were not lunging for my wallet as some would like to believe. Just as I was intrigued by them, they were intrigued by me. Think about it. If you don't see a white kid in a wheelchair too often, maybe never for some, wouldn't you stop and stare, maybe even want to touch this person to see if he or she is real. It was another lesson learned about letting go.

While traveling on the streets of India, I noticed many small homes, mostly made of mud. Can you imagine living in home primarily made of mud? What happens when it rains? I met a young boy whose family's home was washed away from a simple day's worth of rain. They make sure everyone is o-kay and move on to build their next home, if they have the means to do so. You would get use to mud if you had nothing else to build a house with and put a roof over your family's head. I noticed families that were barely clothed. Imagine not having clothes to wear on a daily basis. If you are like me, you probably worry about what color or style you are going to wear. Right? No televisions, no running water, no toilets, no kitchens, nothing material. "What else is there?," you may ask. How about love. How about gratefulness. How about contentment. Are those constants in your life at this very moment? My tears of sorrow quickly turned to tears of envy. I wanted that happiness. No longer did I want the happiness that came in the form of a dollar bill, or a new pair of jeans, or a new car. I wanted happiness that I could sustain. I wanted what was written all over these faces I was observing from my nice, clean taxi. It was time for me to take a journey inwards, to myself, and the environment in India was so conducive to my mission.

Now don't get me wrong. Not everyone in India lives in a home made of mud. Not everyone is running around naked in this country. Fortunately for me, I was able to see another side of life which I can tell you is no better and no worse than anyone's life. Trust me on this one. During my travels to India, which stands at three trips at the moment, I have met some of the country's wealthiest individuals, have visited the homes of these people, have eaten their food, and have had many conversations with them. I am fortunate to have had those experiences as well, but they do not outweigh those that I shared with you before. Whether you are the Prime Minister of India or the beggar on the corner, you are going to receive the same treatment from me. I believe that everyone we meet in life has a message for you and you have a message for them. Once I begin to discriminate, that either puts me above or below another individual. I choose to come in on the same level and experience people on a level of equality. Many people, rich and poor, have taught me that invaluable lesson here in India for which I am eternally grateful.

India is a country with so much wisdom, so much mystery, so much love. Once again, trust me on this one. It is an environment which breathes the word acceptance. Acceptance of cultures, acceptance of religions, and accepting most importantly, of themselves. Acceptance of the disabled has been quite challenging for this society due to the lack of education on the issues surrounding this class in society. If you were never exposed to one who was disabled, would you automatically accept him or her if this individual crossed your path. That could be a very difficult situation if you were to face it. As the education on disabilities continues to trickle into this country, you will see a gradual movement towards acceptance. I am confident of that. There are wonderful sites to see in this country. There is so much history. Various forms of complementary medicines originated here which have proven to be successful for healing the sick over the centuries. There is bottled water available everywhere. There is poverty, but there is poverty everywhere. Conditions are not as terrible as one may like to believe. I have visited this wonderful world three times now and I am still alive. Come to think of it, I have never felt better. Oh, and lets not forget about the incredible Indian cuisine. Let your taste buds run wild as you treat yourself to spices that you have been depriving yourself of all your life.

As always, I have been inspired to write this story. My first source of inspiration is my beautiful, Indian wife Pratiksha. She has been my greatest teacher on the subject of acceptance. You see, Pratiksha never knew me before I was paralyzed. Every day she teaches me something new about life which has truly helped me to become the man I am today. The second source of inspiration for writing this story is my new family, Pratiksha's family. Mommy, Papa, Surbhi, and Vyom, I thank you for accepting me into your family. The path to get to this place of acceptance was not a direct one, but it was an educational experience for us all and has helped me in my personal growth. Finally, I thank my brothers and sisters at the Taj Holiday Village Hotel in Goa, India. You always have a ramp waiting for me to get into my room, a bathroom made accessible just for my arrival, and friendly, loving smiles that always seem to shatter any meaningless stress which I have chosen to bring to your home. Thank you for helping me recognize that India is my second home. In conclusion, if you take anything away from this story, please let it be the word "open." Be open to the experience of India and I promise you that it won't disappoint you. If you decide to go, leave all your fears, expectations, and judgements at home and be open to many new, educational, and spiritual experiences that will truly broaden your horizons. Find out who the real you is. Make the commitment to yourself to find that sustaining happiness which you know you crave. Satisfy your hunger for new experiences and take a trip to India. Your life will never be the same. Trust me.

Thanks for listening!
Scott

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