TRYING TO BE THANKFUL...FOR EVERYTHING

November 25, 1999

How many times have you heard the phrases, "Every cloud has a silver lining," or "There is always something good that comes out of a bad situation" or "Don't worry, be happy!?" I just heard another one recently..."Pain is inevitable while suffering is optional." All of these popular sayings are an attempt to have us move to a more positive frame of mind. Many of you may be saying to yourselves, "Heck, if I want to be sad, then I am going to be sad or if I am angry, get away from me!" We should always feel those initial feelings, but in time, do you think you could rewind the videotape of your life and make peace with a so-called "negative" experience? Knowing full well that there is no chance of changing the situation, why not make an attempt to simply accept what has happened. Ultimately, this would mean that you could free yourself of all the emotional pain that you have been storing in your body. Sounds pretty good, huh?

For the past three years, I have made a commitment to myself to learn more about life and why my life has evolved in this particular manner. I have come to the conclusion that everything that has transpired in my life has lead me up to this precious moment in which I get to share with my friends back home. Any change in the events which have unfolded during the past 29 years of my life and this precious moment would probably look entirely different. You see, everything has happened in my life for a reason, another popular saying, right? My focus has been to understand why my path has taken me in so many directions. Once I understand the chain of events that have lead me up to this precise moment, which by the way is the only thing we really only have control over, than I can move to a place of acceptance and fully be present in the moment. How often have you found yourself dwelling on the past or being preoccupied with how your future will evolve? Think about it. Both the past and the future are out of your control. So rather than trying to change your past, why not reinterpret it. Reinterpret it so you can free yourself. Reinterpret it so you can understand it and take responsibility for the choices you have made. Close your eyes. Recall an event in your life that was just the most horrible experience you could ever remember. In that moment, it seemed like the end of the world, right? Open your eyes. Now, looking back at this moment in time, was it really the horrible? Think of what happened maybe in the days or months following that event. Can you understand why you needed to have that experience?

Now please understand that this is not easy. It requires total honesty and openness with yourself. You may begin to feel very emotional. Good. Whenever you make the commitment to learn more about yourself, you can best believe that you will run the gamut of emotions. You are rediscovering the real you!! If what I am saying is at all unclear, let me use my life as example. 29 years is a long time, so I promise not to bore you with all its details!! As many of you may know, I have been confined to a wheelchair for the last 14 years of my life. Now I could have just sat around and said, "Why me?" and chosen to live a life of sadness and depression or I could search for the gift or the blessing in this experience. I opted for the latter! Why? Because from the moment I became paralyzed back in 1985, I was thankful to simply be alive. The ability to love and to be loved was still there and to me, those are the two things in life which I believe we all want, period! When asked if I have ever said, "Why me?" I reply, "Why not me?" It has taken me a while, but I can honestly say that next to the gift of life my wonderful parents have given me, my paralysis is the second greatest gift. I can't be certain that I would be the person I am today if I had never become disabled. I can't change the last fourteen years, so I have found the blessings in this experience, even the gifts in the moments of pain. Oh, and how could I forget that wonderful day back in 1986 when my extended families in Verona and Cedar Grove came together for "Scott Chesney Day." Paralysis really has been a blessing.

Another painful experience in my life for which I am now thankful is the passing of my father. Now before you say how insensitive and repulsive that comment was, please hear me out. If I had the power to bring my father back, I would do anything to make it happen. I can't change his death, I can only accept it. Acceptance does not mean I have to like what happened, nor do I have to constantly be depressed and sad. By taking away positives from his passing, I have been able to avoid depression. What could be positive about losing my father? My father's death was a wake-up call to me. It showed me just how short and fragile life can really be. Rather than just saying I was going to explore cutting-edge rehab down in Miami, I now made the move. Rather than saying I was going to find out what my passions were in life, I just went out and did it. My father's death taught me how to seize the moment and stop procrastinating. Once I made these commitments to myself, my father began to come to me and guide me in my dreams. My father and I have never been closer!

While on a worldwide journey, my wife Pratiksha and I constantly have found ourselves in a state of deep appreciation and thankfulness. While in Lourdes, France, we saw thousands of sick elderly people, seeking to be healed. Many of them simply were grateful to be alive and visiting such a sacred place. During our two month visit to India we saw hundreds of disabled children who lit up the room with their ear to ear smiles, again just happy to be loved and to be alive. I recall visiting a elementary school for the blind in New Delhi and feeling sorry for these children, many of whom have never be able to see. By the end of out brief visit, I wanted that internal bliss that I knew each and every one of them was experiencing. While in Paris, I saw a man with no legs crawling across the street. He had no wheelchair. It was the first time in the past 14 years that I wanted to give someone my wheelchair. Our eyes met and I was jolted by his warmth and incredible courage. I know he is that way for a reason, to teach us, even those of us who are disabled. Just recently during our tour of Israel, a group of disabled citizens in Jerusalem were protesting for more accessibility and more money from the government. By the end of our stay, they had succeeded and were rewarded for their efforts. They taught me humility. I have a very comfortable life in America with almost everything being made accessible and the opportunities to earn a living. That has not been the case for the disabled in Israel. Finally, during our private visitation with The Dalai Lama in India, I cried tears of joy because of the unconditional love and praise that this man showed me. This is a man who exiled from his homeland in 1959 so that his people would no longer be threatened. He exemplifies unselfishness and helped me to better understand the meaning of "sacrifice."

I could go on and on with the details of my life from why I needed to have certain relationships with people, to why I failed tests in school, understanding those poor performances while playing basketball, understanding the arguments I have had with family and friends, realizing why I did not save money at times, and so on, but I think you have begun to understand my point. Each and every one of us deserves to break free from our past and is deserving of all the joys that the future has to offer. The more you can appreciate and understand that you are a product of the choices you have made, the less likely you will be in judgement of others and more importantly, be in judgement of yourself. The late Audrey Hepburn once said, "We were born into this world with two hands...one to help ourselves and one to help others." Please, do whatever it takes to give yourself the gift of thankfulness. Imagine what the world would be like if we all made this commitment to ourselves. Pratiksha and I wish each and every one of you a Happy Thanksgiving while we celebrate the holiday here in Kenya.

Thanks for listening!

Scott

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