HOW DO YOU DEFINE NORMAL??

December 4, 1999

Hello friends! Normal, "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." This is one of the many definitions of the word "normal" that I will share with you during the course of this story. I don't know about anybody else, but I am more puzzled by the meaning of this word after reading this definition, provided by a very reputable dictionary. "What is my point?," you may be asking. Why do we, as a society, use this word so freely and so condescendingly on many occasions when we really don't know what the heck this words really means. Now as you probably can tell, this word generates an energy inside of me and for that reason I need to address this issue. At this time, there is no better way than to vent to you, my listeners. So please bear with me as we try, or maybe just I try to make peace with this word. But I will venture to say that many of you are just as confused by this word as I am. My recommendation, just hang in there as we ride the wave of "normalcy" and see if we all make it to shore in one piece!

Getting back tho the first definition I presented to you in the opening paragraph, I am even more perplexed because now I have added three more words to my "meaningless" list. Common, regular, and natural are kissing cousins to my friend, "Mr. Normal." Let's not prolong this painful sequence of events any longer. I suggest we dive ride right into this wave. When you see someone walking down the street and they are dressed differently than you, or walk differently than you, look differently than you, or sound differently than you, who is to say that he or she is not normal. Even if you are walking with three friends and all of you are wearing the same type of outfits, wear your hair in a similar style, use the similar words, etc. does that make you any better or any worse than that person approaching you who presents him or herself entirely different? Yet, on how many occasions have you or your friends said that that person is not normal, or a freak, or weird, or strange? What you are actually saying is that this individual is not like you and you can't understand why. Have I struck a nerve? I hope so because I need to hear my own words once in a while as well. I'm no saint, to say the least. Each and every day I am trying to practice non-judgement, but I still find myself putting someone down either verbally or mentally. Both are destructive. The latter is just a way of concealing your judgements, but trust me, it will catch up to you somewhere down the road. So why do we pass judgements and would someone please tell me what the heck the word "normal" means?

Normal, "approximately average in any psychological trait; as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment." This definition #2 is given to us by another reputable dictionary which shall remain nameless. My blood pressure is really boiling now, but this is good. Just how infuriated can I become before I simply surrender to this word and its hundreds of "meaningless" definitions. If you are on the receiving end of, "You are not normal, or what you do is not normal, or the way you look is not normal, or your parents are not normal, or your house is not normal, etc.," how are you going to feel? Pretty lousy, I would say. Right? Instantly when someone passes judgement on you in this manner, he or she is creating distance between the two of you. That same person may be creating distance between you and the whole group he or she is with at the time. More so, that person has distanced you from the rest of society who is believed to be in the "norm." Now we are back to square one and getting nowhere...fast!! Would someone please tell me who created this word "normal" and when did it become the rule or the law? C'mon, I really want to know. Who said that this is normal and that is not? Now I know that when people use this word they are not basing their beliefs on the Bible or some other sacred text. If that were the case then maybe I could live with the word and its many meanings. But in all honesty, I would probably still have a difficult time accepting its place in this world. I'm still waiting for the meaning of the word "normal!" MAYDAY, MAYDAY, come in Mr. Normal, can you hear me...I need to know what your mission is here on Earth and why so many people choose to use you in their everyday conversations...at the expense of others.

Normal, "free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation." Yes, finally a definition that I can understand, but certainly not agree with at all! There are people out in the world who are liars, people out in the world who are cheating their employees, parents who are beating their children, people who are killing harmless animals for fur, people who are constantly making racial remarks, and many other "norms" according to society that are not included in this definition. Couldn't all these examples I just used be considered a slight or severe mental disability. I would say so, but for many people in society, we just accept that people are going to lie, or people are going to cheat others, or some parents are going to choose to beat their children, or people will kill animals for their fur, and finally accept that racists will continue to exist in this world. So, correct me if I am wrong...since all of these are pretty much "accepted" behaviors, considering they still thrive in today's world, I would say that they are the "norm." This doesn't mean that they are all positive "norms," right? The confusion continues. Not only am I confused about the meaning, but now "normal" can be something or someone which is or who is positive or negative. At this moment, I really feel like taking this computer and throwing it out the window, but I won't because I am determined to make peace with this word and to make peace with everyone of you who uses it in your everyday conversations. You can call someone disabled, you can call someone crippled (but it's not politically correct...a whole other subject and future story), you can call someone vertically challenged, you can call someone handicapped, but are you really be accurate when you see someone who is physically challenged who is to say that he or she is not "normal." Considering that we are all mentally handicapped from time to time wouldn't that mean that we are all "abnormal" or maybe, we are all normal. Things that make you go...hmmmmm!

Normal, "a norm is an accepted standard or a way of behaving or doing things that most people agree with." Oh, just another wonderful dictionary entry that is just dying to get under my skin! Who are these "most people" that they are talking about? I really want to meet them and buy them a coffee. Are these those real rich families that live up on the hill, or those wonderful leaders of our country who are such great role models like President Clinton, or maybe those professional athletes who captivate us with there amazing moves on and off the court or field? I am quickly getting tired of this subject and need to put this puppy to bed. Folks, we are either all normal or we are all abnormal. I would like to consider us all normal, even though that belief is tested from time to time, because we are all seeking the same thing, love. All of us seek love and all of us seek to receive love. So if you see someone who looks different than you do, which is basically everybody in the whole world, just push your judgement aside and tell yourself that he or she is simply in search of love, just as I am. If we are all created in the likeness of God, I would say that we are all pretty normal. Some people may take a road to find that love that you simply just don't understand. Just let them go, stay focus on your own path and wish them the best in their journey. That would be normal thing to do!

I want to thank my brother-in-law Vyom for igniting this fire inside of me. Youth is always sending us messages and this old soul teaches me something new every time we are together. Finally, I extend my gratitude to my sister-in-law Surbhi for locating all the definitions of the word "normal" for me. I didn't even use the six other definitions that she sent to me. Lucky for you all!!

Thanks for listening!
Scott

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